Category Archives: Political Humor

Bush Comments on Past Alcoholism…but Curious Behavior Still Surounds Him…

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President Bush offered rare public comments yesterday on his past problems with alcohol, President Bush said that he had never been a “knee-walking drunk,” but that “I doubt I’d be standing here if I hadn’t quit drinking whiskey, and beer, and wine and all that.”

Bush has previously said he often drank too much as a young man, and that he quit drinking in 1986 after overindulging on his 40th birthday.

There was also the cocaine rumor that was never verified…

Shortly before the 2000 presidential election, news surfacedhe was arrested in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol near his parents’ home in Kennebunkport, Maine.

Bush went on the say, “Alcohol can compete with your affections. It sure did in my case – affections with your family, or affections for exercise.” 

“It was the competition that I decided just wasn’t worth it.”

He also maintained he has not had a drink of alcohol in 21 years since he quit, and said he’s a “better man for it.”

Although sometimes I do wonder about that last part. Let’s face it, there have been many occasions over the past few years where Bush has looked drunk, medicated, stoned, or all three!

Take last year’s G8 summit.

If you take Bush’s quotes and separate them from other world leaders, he sounds just like a whiskey drunk. 

“Gotta go home. Gotta do sumthin’ tonight. Get ona plane. Go home. It’s a long flight. How long is your flight? That’s a long flight. Your country is big. His country is big too.”

Huh?

I’ve heard this kind of language before…out of some mindless drunk who can’t shut up. Bush just kept running his mouth off, totally disconnected from the non-verbal clues of the people around him.

It was more of the same at the G8 press conference. Bush couldn’t stop talking about the pig roast. It didn’t matter what anyone asked him, he just kept saying whatever his soaked brain was looping on, in this case, the pig.

There was also a time he went to Canada and couldn’t get off the subject of the mouth one of the Canadian Prime Minister’s staff members! “You’ve got a purty mouth.” Not once but several times. “You’ve sure got a purty mouth.” And, “Your mouth is prettier than my Scott’s mouth.”

Who does this outside of dive bars? 

At meeting with leaders he routinely sits slouched back in his chair, like a guy at a barbecue on his second or third 6 pack, chomping on his food with his mouth open, and making minimal effort to keep up his end of the conversation.

Then there was the presidential debate with John Kerry. Remember that fiasco. The lectern was literally holding the guy up. 

Most world leaders seem to act very restrained and controlled around Bush, maintaining a public facade of geniality while holding back from actually being engaged with him. What seems to be courtesy from many diplomats may actually be them trying to get through the fog around Bush as they work to penetrate some kind of lucidness.

Bush’s social modus operandi with everyone, seems to be overuse of meaningless language, forced jocularity and fake intimacy to foster a relationship that does not exist.

Like a drunk, no one really wants to be around him.

No drinks in 21 years Mr. President? I wonder about that indeed.

Although, it would surely explain some of his policy decisions and verbal gaffs, now wouldn’t it?

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Jesus Sells Out at Wal-Mart (Update)…

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There’s been much written about the scarcity of Nintendo’s Wii this holiday season, but last week Wal-Mart sold out of another popular toy: the Talking Jesus Messenger of Faith doll. The 12-inch doll is made by one2believe of Valencia, Calif., which also sells Nativity scenes and other Bible action figures such as Samson and Goliath Spirit Warriors.

 Check out our last Jesus at Wal-Mart post here

The toys were sold at about 600 Wal-Mart stores and online at Target.com. 

Almost 20 percent of the Wal-Mart stores that sell Talking Jesus are in Texas, as you may have imagined.

Norma Venning was surprised to encounter Mary, Moses and Noah in the toy aisle of her local Wal-Mart on a recent morning, but there was no sign of Jesus – the son of God had already sold out.

“I didn’t even know it existed. I think it’s a wonderful idea,” the retired school worker said of Tales of Glory, a line of talking, Bible-based dolls on the shelf at the Wal-Mart off Battlefield Boulevard.

For the first time, the world’s largest retailer is stocking a full line of faith-based toys along with its usual cast – including a GI Joe Combat Squad action figure with a gun the size of his body, and a 3-foot remote-control concept car dubbed “Big Time Muscle.”

Wal-Mart is test-marketing the posable figures in 425 locations; two are in Chesapeake and one is in Virginia Beach.

Toys like the “Deluxe Aggression” and “Fury Unmatched” wrestling figures a couple aisles over are the kind that Jesus, with his pointable plastic index fingers, homespun tunic and velvet sandals, was put here to counter – or perhaps…maybe to save?

Jesus’ maker, David Socha (be careful you might offend some of the fundamentalist Christians with that kind of talk), said he created the biblical toys to give girls an alternative to dolls in G-strings and boys a source of amusement not modeled on “demons” and “spawns of Satan.”

Even though spawns of Satan are cool…besides, did these people forget that the bible is packed with violence?

Socha has an answer for that of course…

“The Bible’s full of violence, but I don’t think violence is glorified in the Bible,” said Socha, CEO of California-based one2believe. “When I was growing up, I was always GI Joe. I was never the bad guy. Now, I think some kids are playing the bad guy. We’re trying to bring wholesomeness back.”

Yeah, because Wal-Mart is all about charity and wholesomeness.

But the biblical figures aren’t just about redeeming the toy box: Sales of Christian products topped $4.5 billion last year.

Josh Livingston, a spokesman for one2believe, said his firm manufactured more than 100,000 figures, and expects the hottest sellers, Jesus and Mary, to be sold out before Christmas. The dolls also are available online at Target.com (but not in Target stores) and at one2believe.com.

The Wal-Marts stocking the dolls are mostly in the Midwest and South (go figure), including 20 stores in Virginia. Each store is near a large number of churches or has a history of strong sales of faith-based products. The retailer is not selling the toys online, said Jami Arms, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman.

At the Wal-Mart off Battlefield Boulevard, faith-oriented merchandise included a Bible-themed coloring book, a “Read and Learn Bible” for children and books by Christian authors including Rick Warren. DVDs of “Evan Almighty,” a Hollywood comedy about a modern-day Noah, also were for sale.

When Jesus is in stock, he sells for $14.97. “I am Jesus,” he says when you press a button on his back. “I am the son of God.” The talking dolls speak for nearly a minute, giving their biographies, then recite three Bible verses.

The biblical toys, which include smaller-scale nonposable figures depicting the Nativity scene, Noah’s Ark animals and a pious-looking Daniel with eyes cast toward heaven, pleased Janet Taylor, a retired nurse from Portsmouth.

“I have a new grandbaby that’s going to be born Oct. 31 and I would gladly buy this for him,” she said of the toy line.

Venning, the retired school worker, said Tales of Glory figures could supplement the Christian education children get in Sunday school or at home.

“It’s better than buying them superheroes. It’s an opportunity for a Christian parent and Christian grandparents to not buy something that transforms into an ugly creature.”

I suppose God appearing as ‘fire’ is okay though.

She pressed a button on Mary’s back to hear the virgin speak – “I am Mary. I am the mother of Jesus” – and compared Moses’ face to the popular standard.

“He almost looks like Charlton Heston.”

I’d ask if looking like Charlton Heston is a good thing? 

So what happens to Talking Jesus when he gets home?

Knowing how quickly kids can tire of their toys, he could end up buried in a toy chest with Power Rangers, Batman and Ninja Turtles – and there’s something unsettling about that.

At least we won’t be seeing Talking Jesus on the clearance shelf with tacky leftover Bratz Dolls. 

I Know Bush is at War with the English Language but…

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I stumbled on some more recent gems…enjoy

“There are some similarities, of course (between Iraq and Vietnam). Death is terrible.” –George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

“I’ve been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.” –George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

“Suiciders are willing to kill innocent life in order to send the projection that this is an impossible mission.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2007

“And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I’m sorry it’s the case, and I’ll work hard to try to elevate it.” –George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

“The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope — an ideology of hate — excuse me –with an ideology of hope.” –George W. Bush, Fort Benning, Ga., Jan. 11, 2007

“Either we’ll succeed, or we won’t succeed. And the definition of success as I described is sectarian violence down. Success is not no violence.” –George W. Bush, on Iraq, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

“Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

“I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” –George W. Bush, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

“You know, I guess I’m like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

“More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way.” –George W. Bush, Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

“I heard somebody say, ‘Where’s (Nelson) Mandela?’ Well, Mandela’s dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas.” –George W. Bush, on the former South African president, who is still very much alive, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007

“Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit.” –George W. Bush, addressing Australian Prime Minister John Howard at the APEC Summit, Sept. 7, 207

“As John Howard accurately noted when he went to thank the Austrian troops there last year…” –George W. Bush, referring to Australian troops as “Austrian troops,” APEC Business Summit, Sept. 7, 2007

Thank you Mr. President.

Ho, Ho, Ho a No, No, No???

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Just when you thought the politically correct straight jacket was pulled as tight as possible, it just got a trifle tighter.

Santa is not allowed to say “Ho, Ho, Ho” in Australia.

No joke.

The reason?

It is offensive to women.

Santa Clauses in Sydney Australia have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha,” the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use “ho ho ho” because it could frighten children and was too close to “ho”, a US slang term for prostitute.

“Gimme a break,” said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualizing children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

“We are talking about little kids who do not understand that “ho, ho, ho” has any other connotation and nor should they,” she told the Telegraph.

“Leave Santa alone.”

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was “misleading” to say the company had banned Santa’s traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

My question is…what women are we offending exactly? Not that I have an overabundance of experience in the area of ‘street-walker etiquette’, but who the hell cares if someone says the word “ho” in front of a woman of high moral virtue. Those women surely know what a “ho” is, and would never be confused as such. Where do we draw the line?

Maybe we should ban mistletoe because we can’t be too sure that women are being treated as sex objects. We probably should scrap the color red because it denotes sexual promiscuity.

Maybe Australia should just ban the U.S. altogether, then our mindless slang wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Truth be told, they probably would be better off…and so would Santa.

  

Disney to Alter Famous Ride to Accomodate ‘Fat’ Americans…

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Coming this January, Disney Land in Southern California will be closing its most famous ride – the one where visitors pile into flat-bottomed boats and go on a shiny plastic water tour of Planet Earth. The ride has to undergo some renovation…a retrofit to accommodate fatter riders.  

The reason?

Disneyland’s visitors have been getting bigger, wider and fatter, and the boats as they are currently constructed are not designed to carry the ‘extra weight.’ In fact, the boats have a habit of running aground under all the extra weight.

Of course Disney denies that is the reason. The official reason for the retrofit according to the company is because a series of fibreglass patches on the bottom of the waterway have created obstacles that need to be cleared.

However, people who frequent the park and employees have a different opinion.

Former employees and self-appointed ‘Disney watchers’ all attest to the frequent occasions on which the boats, orginally built in 1964 when we were thinner and smarter as a nation, on “It’s a Small World” ride, back up because a vessel carrying too much weight simply grinds to a halt. In fact, Disney employees operating the ride try their very best to calculate the girth and size of the riders coming down the line, ‘guest-imate’ their weight, and purposely leave a row or two empty on many boats.” Even, then, those tactics sometimes don’t work! Riders today just pack too much beef per rider.

The solution?

Disney will be digging a deeper fibreglass channel and replacing the old fleet of boats with new, ‘more buoyant’ upgrades. Because much of the ride is indoors and invisible to its operators, it can take up to 10 minutes to get a boat ‘un-stuck.” Then comes the gridlock. Then comes the unhappy patrons.

It has been reported that overweight visitors are a problem at other rides too, including the Pirates of the Caribbean, Pinocchio and Alice in Wonderland.

The irony is that Disney has a joint marketing agreement with McDonald’s. At Disneyland and other theme parks, there is a plentiful supply of giant sodas, churros and ice cream, burgers, etc. And the Disney answer to people who get upset when their boat gets stuck?

The staff offers riders a free food ticket by way of apology.

Oh boy.

Some Political Humor for this Election Day…

Since there is not much happening this Election Day here is couple of comics to make you laugh. To view just “click” on the image.

Boondocks by Aaron McGruder

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Dilbert By Scott Adams
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FoxTrot by Bill Amend

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Get Fuzzy by Darby Conley

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The Modern World by Tom Tomorrow

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PHD Comics by Jorge Cham

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Sutton Impact by Ward Sutton

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Shadow Democracy Radio Shows Now Posted for Download!

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After much effort, we have managed to post all of our past Internet radio shows for download. Check out the entire list from our Summer ‘07 broadcast schedule, and keep checking this blog for updates on the return of the Shadow Democracy Radio Show, in a few weeks. Meanwhile…enjoy these podcasts!  

Some of Our Favorite Neo-Cons All Dressed Up for Trick-or-Treat Tonight!

I thought you might want to absorb the flambouant imagination of George Bush, his cronies and some other random right wing-nuts come to life through costume on this Halloween…enjoy 🙂

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George Bush as…well…George Bush…

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Dick Cheney as…well…Dick Cheney…

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 Damn! I knew she was a man!

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Rush heading out to hang with his boys… 

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Nice form Condi!

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Dr. Laura as Tammy Faye Baker…and last but not least…

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Oh yeah baby…

Wondering What Your Kid Does in School???

Here are some REAL answers to exam questions that students actually turned in for grading. Be sure to read the teacher comments. Enjoy.

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And my personal favorite…

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More here… 

🙂

Some Twisted Humor for Friday…

I enjoyed this. Maybe you will too. 

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You have to wonder what some people are thinking…

People Watching at Starbucks…

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Okay kids, pay attention, this is important life learning you will not get anywhere else.

I have a theory.

After visiting my local Starbucks and eavesdropping on conversations, I have concluded there is an indisputable link between coffee, politics and sex. To support my theory, I have devised a coffee-politics-sex matrix that allows the causal observer to identify ones political and sexual orientation by simply observing how random people order their coffee.

Anarchist > Espresso > Asexual

Radical > Black Coffee > Heterosexual -or- Homosexual

Liberal > Cappuciono w/Straw > Gay

Centrist > House Blend > Heterosexual (Not monogamous)

Conservative > Maxwell House w/Viagara Pill > Closet Homosexual 

Libertarian > Vanilla Steamer > Only one gay encounter in college

Christian Right > Water > Hard to tell…wasn’t allowed to attend Sex-Ed class

Know anyone who fits these??? I do. 

Powerful stuff my freinds…powerful stuff 🙂