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Jesus Sells Out at Wal-Mart (Update)…

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There’s been much written about the scarcity of Nintendo’s Wii this holiday season, but last week Wal-Mart sold out of another popular toy: the Talking Jesus Messenger of Faith doll. The 12-inch doll is made by one2believe of Valencia, Calif., which also sells Nativity scenes and other Bible action figures such as Samson and Goliath Spirit Warriors.

 Check out our last Jesus at Wal-Mart post here

The toys were sold at about 600 Wal-Mart stores and online at Target.com. 

Almost 20 percent of the Wal-Mart stores that sell Talking Jesus are in Texas, as you may have imagined.

Norma Venning was surprised to encounter Mary, Moses and Noah in the toy aisle of her local Wal-Mart on a recent morning, but there was no sign of Jesus – the son of God had already sold out.

“I didn’t even know it existed. I think it’s a wonderful idea,” the retired school worker said of Tales of Glory, a line of talking, Bible-based dolls on the shelf at the Wal-Mart off Battlefield Boulevard.

For the first time, the world’s largest retailer is stocking a full line of faith-based toys along with its usual cast – including a GI Joe Combat Squad action figure with a gun the size of his body, and a 3-foot remote-control concept car dubbed “Big Time Muscle.”

Wal-Mart is test-marketing the posable figures in 425 locations; two are in Chesapeake and one is in Virginia Beach.

Toys like the “Deluxe Aggression” and “Fury Unmatched” wrestling figures a couple aisles over are the kind that Jesus, with his pointable plastic index fingers, homespun tunic and velvet sandals, was put here to counter – or perhaps…maybe to save?

Jesus’ maker, David Socha (be careful you might offend some of the fundamentalist Christians with that kind of talk), said he created the biblical toys to give girls an alternative to dolls in G-strings and boys a source of amusement not modeled on “demons” and “spawns of Satan.”

Even though spawns of Satan are cool…besides, did these people forget that the bible is packed with violence?

Socha has an answer for that of course…

“The Bible’s full of violence, but I don’t think violence is glorified in the Bible,” said Socha, CEO of California-based one2believe. “When I was growing up, I was always GI Joe. I was never the bad guy. Now, I think some kids are playing the bad guy. We’re trying to bring wholesomeness back.”

Yeah, because Wal-Mart is all about charity and wholesomeness.

But the biblical figures aren’t just about redeeming the toy box: Sales of Christian products topped $4.5 billion last year.

Josh Livingston, a spokesman for one2believe, said his firm manufactured more than 100,000 figures, and expects the hottest sellers, Jesus and Mary, to be sold out before Christmas. The dolls also are available online at Target.com (but not in Target stores) and at one2believe.com.

The Wal-Marts stocking the dolls are mostly in the Midwest and South (go figure), including 20 stores in Virginia. Each store is near a large number of churches or has a history of strong sales of faith-based products. The retailer is not selling the toys online, said Jami Arms, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman.

At the Wal-Mart off Battlefield Boulevard, faith-oriented merchandise included a Bible-themed coloring book, a “Read and Learn Bible” for children and books by Christian authors including Rick Warren. DVDs of “Evan Almighty,” a Hollywood comedy about a modern-day Noah, also were for sale.

When Jesus is in stock, he sells for $14.97. “I am Jesus,” he says when you press a button on his back. “I am the son of God.” The talking dolls speak for nearly a minute, giving their biographies, then recite three Bible verses.

The biblical toys, which include smaller-scale nonposable figures depicting the Nativity scene, Noah’s Ark animals and a pious-looking Daniel with eyes cast toward heaven, pleased Janet Taylor, a retired nurse from Portsmouth.

“I have a new grandbaby that’s going to be born Oct. 31 and I would gladly buy this for him,” she said of the toy line.

Venning, the retired school worker, said Tales of Glory figures could supplement the Christian education children get in Sunday school or at home.

“It’s better than buying them superheroes. It’s an opportunity for a Christian parent and Christian grandparents to not buy something that transforms into an ugly creature.”

I suppose God appearing as ‘fire’ is okay though.

She pressed a button on Mary’s back to hear the virgin speak – “I am Mary. I am the mother of Jesus” – and compared Moses’ face to the popular standard.

“He almost looks like Charlton Heston.”

I’d ask if looking like Charlton Heston is a good thing? 

So what happens to Talking Jesus when he gets home?

Knowing how quickly kids can tire of their toys, he could end up buried in a toy chest with Power Rangers, Batman and Ninja Turtles – and there’s something unsettling about that.

At least we won’t be seeing Talking Jesus on the clearance shelf with tacky leftover Bratz Dolls. 

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I Know Bush is at War with the English Language but…

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I stumbled on some more recent gems…enjoy

“There are some similarities, of course (between Iraq and Vietnam). Death is terrible.” –George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

“I’ve been in politics long enough to know that polls just go poof at times.” –George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

“Suiciders are willing to kill innocent life in order to send the projection that this is an impossible mission.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2007

“And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I’m sorry it’s the case, and I’ll work hard to try to elevate it.” –George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

“The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope — an ideology of hate — excuse me –with an ideology of hope.” –George W. Bush, Fort Benning, Ga., Jan. 11, 2007

“Either we’ll succeed, or we won’t succeed. And the definition of success as I described is sectarian violence down. Success is not no violence.” –George W. Bush, on Iraq, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

“Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

“I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” –George W. Bush, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

“You know, I guess I’m like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

“More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way.” –George W. Bush, Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

“I heard somebody say, ‘Where’s (Nelson) Mandela?’ Well, Mandela’s dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas.” –George W. Bush, on the former South African president, who is still very much alive, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007

“Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit.” –George W. Bush, addressing Australian Prime Minister John Howard at the APEC Summit, Sept. 7, 207

“As John Howard accurately noted when he went to thank the Austrian troops there last year…” –George W. Bush, referring to Australian troops as “Austrian troops,” APEC Business Summit, Sept. 7, 2007

Thank you Mr. President.

Some Political Humor for this Election Day…

Since there is not much happening this Election Day here is couple of comics to make you laugh. To view just “click” on the image.

Boondocks by Aaron McGruder

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Dilbert By Scott Adams
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FoxTrot by Bill Amend

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Get Fuzzy by Darby Conley

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The Modern World by Tom Tomorrow

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PHD Comics by Jorge Cham

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Sutton Impact by Ward Sutton

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Some of Our Favorite Neo-Cons All Dressed Up for Trick-or-Treat Tonight!

I thought you might want to absorb the flambouant imagination of George Bush, his cronies and some other random right wing-nuts come to life through costume on this Halloween…enjoy 🙂

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George Bush as…well…George Bush…

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Dick Cheney as…well…Dick Cheney…

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 Damn! I knew she was a man!

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Rush heading out to hang with his boys… 

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Nice form Condi!

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Dr. Laura as Tammy Faye Baker…and last but not least…

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Oh yeah baby…

Wondering What Your Kid Does in School???

Here are some REAL answers to exam questions that students actually turned in for grading. Be sure to read the teacher comments. Enjoy.

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And my personal favorite…

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More here… 

🙂

Some Twisted Humor for Friday…

I enjoyed this. Maybe you will too. 

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You have to wonder what some people are thinking…

People Watching at Starbucks…

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Okay kids, pay attention, this is important life learning you will not get anywhere else.

I have a theory.

After visiting my local Starbucks and eavesdropping on conversations, I have concluded there is an indisputable link between coffee, politics and sex. To support my theory, I have devised a coffee-politics-sex matrix that allows the causal observer to identify ones political and sexual orientation by simply observing how random people order their coffee.

Anarchist > Espresso > Asexual

Radical > Black Coffee > Heterosexual -or- Homosexual

Liberal > Cappuciono w/Straw > Gay

Centrist > House Blend > Heterosexual (Not monogamous)

Conservative > Maxwell House w/Viagara Pill > Closet Homosexual 

Libertarian > Vanilla Steamer > Only one gay encounter in college

Christian Right > Water > Hard to tell…wasn’t allowed to attend Sex-Ed class

Know anyone who fits these??? I do. 

Powerful stuff my freinds…powerful stuff 🙂

Jesus Siting at Wal-Mart…

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Wal-Mart is set to release a new Jesus Christ action figure into select stores. You knew this was coming. My question is, next to Spiderman and Superman, what kind of “action” would a Jesus action figure do that would appeal to violence addicted kids? Let us examine the situation.

The new Jesus doll wears a white robe, and has Kung-Fu grip. He doesn’t come with loaves and fishes, he apparently doesn’t perform any miracles, and he has no weapons (because Jesus is anti-violence and anti-killing for that matter…remember?) So in order to actually use the Kung Fu grip he’ll have to steal a sword or machine gun from another figure…oops, wait a minute…thou shall not steal either? Boy this is rapidly evolving into a marketing nightmare. 

He’s 12″ tall, so he’s compatible with dolls like Barbie and G.I. Joe, but he can’t date Barbie or fight G.I. Joe? So what will he do exactly beesides be ‘Jesus?” Turns out he talks via an embedded computer chip and he says Jesus-like-things, for instance, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” Swingers will love that. Maybe you can simply have him be the perpetual martyr. You can have GI Joe beat the crap out of him constantly while Joe calls him a lefty loon and remind him that the ‘REAL’ Jesus is in favor of the war in Iraq…just ask the Republicans. He could tie Jesus to the back of his jeep and drag him around Texas to make his point I suppose. Come to think of it, maybe Jesus should just keep his mouth shut altogether. 

I’ve got it! They can make Jesus a campaign toy for the 2008 election. You could press his forehead and he could try to convince future voters that the Republicans really are compassionate instead of the narrow minded racists that they really are. Or maybe they can just simplify the speech feature to some catch phrases for American kids with short attention spans like, “9/11 bad!”, “Globalism good.”, and “Terroists everywhere, beware!”

As long as Jesus keeps his mouth shut, you can enage in all sorts of good old fashioned anti-Muslim fun. How about pretend Jesus has actually enlisted in the army, to fight side by side with G.I. Joe as he uses divine powers to make the American army invincible (because we all know the U.S. government and Christians are right and the rest of those people who live in the sand are wrong.) Maybe you could pretend that terrorists have kidnapped Jesus and use that as a news story, written by Barbie of course, to promote the struggle against fundamentalist Islam. If he was lucky enough to not get dead, he could maybe hook up with Barbie and learn to drive the convertible or crash at the beach over some wine and complain how all the 7-11 stores are owned by Muslims. Now that I think about it, the possibilities are endless. 

The Pit and the Viper…

In a recent proposal by President George W. Bush, he has suggested a new Amendment to the Constitution that will resolve the entire Iraq quagmire which he and his personal God, “Cheney” got the nation into in March of 2003. This amendment is based on the Biblical paradigm of the “Viper in the Pit”. The story goes that once upon a time, in a land far far away, a man was walking in an isolated desert, and came upon a very deep pit in the sand. Upon getting closer, he heard desperate cries of help, and so he went over to the pit and saw a Viper which was trapped in the bottom of this depression. Well, lo and behold, when the Viper  saw this man, he begged the man to please save his life by helping him out of the pit. Otherwise said the “Pit” Viper, I will surely die. The man felt sorry for Little Pit, but decided to take precaution since he knew that this was a sand pit-viper, which is known to be an extremely poisonous snake capable of inflicting death within minutes after a bite. So … the man negotiated a deal with the viper that if he saved pit’s life by taking him out of the pit, the viper would not harm the man. The Viper, seeing that he was against a rock and a hard place, agreed to the resolution, and thus the man did what he promised on his end, and saved the snake’s life by fishing him out of the pit. Within seconds after being saved, Petey the Pit-Viper turned and bit his savior. As the man was lying and dying, he asked Petey why he had gone back on his word, and violated their joint-agreement, upon which Petey answered by saying, ‘You knew what I was when we made a deal, so why are you surprised with this outcome. Now the moral of the story, on which President Bush’s proposed amendment is based on. He {Bush} compares himself with the savior, while the Pit-Viper represents Saddam. However, because of the divine powers with which George claims to be blessed with, he plans on reversing the outcome of the biblical paradigm, and therefore the outcome of the war. He [Georgy} figures that when the story is changed to one in which the saved pit-viper being gracious and thankful for his life befriends the Man who saved him and they both live happily ever after, then the ending will change and the Iraqi outcome will change along with it. But, the catch is that first, Congress and three-fourths of the nation’s governors must help to ratify Amendment number 28, which when ratified will serve to reverse the US shorcomings in Iraq thus far, because St. Bush, who has a direct line to the Almighty, as he claims he does, has prayed for this to come true, and the Creatore has answered his call. To be continued.Posted by O.K. 03/14/07